nearly human

I think when people say they have all this energy during the 2nd trimester, they must be lying... right? Maybe it's because I'm with 25 six year olds all day, but when I get home from work, I am SO exhausted. All I want to do is get into bed and go to sleep. I wish I knew the secrets to getting some of that 2nd tri energy.

But, last weekend was fall break.... which means I only had a three-day work week. I felt nearly human the whole weekend. I actually had some energy-- I did things normal people do. I went to the gym, temple date, made dinner for my husband (which is rare and far between), I made a two layer apple spice cake from scratch (thanks martha)... no really! I just kept saying, "is this what normal people feel like? " I think i could get used to it.

I guess until Thanksgiving break... I'll become a zombie again.

so lucky

well, I finally announced that I'm pregnant! I am beyond lucky, and feel so blessed. While I am completely overjoyed, I still feel a little hesitant to write about my pregnancy, because I know there are so many women out there struggling to start a family. When I wrote my last post about my miscarriage, I received so many texts and emails from a lot of women sharing their struggle with me. Thank you for your kind and encouraging words!
  It truly just sucks... yeah, sucks. I can't think of a better word to describe the situation.  My heart goes out to you, and I am praying and hoping for you all daily.

So, I am about 22 weeks along. I'm due February 19. Once I hit 20 weeks I was so excited to be halfway there... but at the same time, I have how much longerrrrr? Mathis and I have decided to wait until the baby is born to find out the sex. I know, I know.. we're crazy. Everyone has their opinion on why this is a good or terrible idea. And I honestly welcome your opinions, although I'm not going to change my mind (hopefully :)). For now, I call the baby a she, and Mathis says he. Talk about gender confusion ha.

I have been able to feel the baby kick since about week 17, and Mathis has been able to feel her since week 18. I know this is early, but maybe the baby is just super close to my skin or something. Being able to SEE the baby move is the weirdest/most amazing thing in the world.

I feel like I took this picture soooooo long ago! Soo happy!

 

 *I know I look pretty haggered in this picture.. i just got back from the gym.** 

I've decided going to the gym pregnant makes you feel EXTRA pregnant!

I still can't believe this is real.
xoxo

this day 08.08.13

For most people, today is just another. ordinary. day. It holds no special meaning or significance. For me... this is the day I should be holding my sweet, new, baby.

Last October, Mathis and I had talked about it and decided we wanted to start “trying.” Well, December rolled around and we found out we were five weeks pregnant. I couldn’t believe it. We were so excited. I know for most couples it can take months or even years to get pregnant—and to have it happen so quickly, we felt very blessed. I was carrying a tiny human inside me.

Fast forward to January. It was a Saturday. I was about 9 ½ weeks along... and feeling awful. We had been to a friends wedding that whole day. During the reception I was not feeling good. I was having really bad cramps, so we left. When I got home, every woman's worst nightmare happened...I saw blood. We rushed to the hospital-in hopes they could do something. It seemed like we were there for days.  The doctor did an ultra sound and we could see the baby. He said he couldn’t find a heartbeat, but said that's not totally uncommon for how early it was. He decided to do another ultrasound (the one that goes inside). He told me the baby was measuring a lot smaller than 9 weeks. I knew right then and there this baby hadn’t survived. It died. And so did a piece of me. I felt so helpless. I just wished there was something I could do. He sent me home and told me to lay in bed for a few days.

Sunday night.

Late Sunday night I started having contractions. At first they just felt like really bad cramps. Then they intensified by 1000. I could barely breathe. We could time them every couple minutes. This lasted for about 2-3 hours. That night I thought I had lost the baby... I was bleeding clots the size of baseballs. Uh, is this normal??  

Monday and Tuesday.

I stayed home from work because I was still in so much pain. I could barely walk to the bathroom without crying. Those pesky cramps just would not go away.

Wednesday.

I decided I had to go back to work. I hated leaving my students with substitutes. Because my cramps were so bad, I couldn’t even stand. I had to sit in my rolly chair all day. My kids were so confused, but could tell I wasn’t feeling well. They were so sweet all day. By late afternoon my facilitator saw how much pain I was in, took over my class and sent me home.

The next 24 hours were ridiculous. 

Thursday.

As I lay in bed, I literally couldn’t even switch positions without bawling. It had been five days—how could I still be in this much pain?? We called the doctor to see if this was normal. They said the baby was probably still trying to work its way out. After a few more hours, it finally happened. The baby was gone. Physically I felt sooo much better.  Emotionally, this was the longest week of my life. It completely changed me.

I think I cried every day for the first 2 months. I felt like the worst person... I couldn’t be around my nieces and nephews. I cried every Sunday in primary. I deleted facebook off my phone, and couldn’t look at instagram. I was so happy for others who were pregnant but it made me feel so sad. Part of me just felt so empty. I was carrying this precious gift, and just like that it was gone. I didn’t realize how attached I would be after 9 short weeks. I often caught myself thinking about what milestone my baby would be at... the size of a grapefruit, growing its hair, etc. But everyday I think I got a little bit stronger.

Even though this was impossible, and I would never wish it upon anyone, I am grateful for this experience. I’m grateful for the few short weeks I could carry my baby. I’m beyond grateful for an amazing husband, family, and mostly for the most caring father in heaven. It brings me so much peace knowing He is in control, and that this was suppose to happen.

I will forever remember that week that we said goodbye, and the significance of this day. 

My sweet baby- I love you more than words can express. It breaks my heart that I never had the chance to hold you in my arms. But, I am so grateful that one day your daddy and I will see you again. You are so loved, and so missed. 

Love, Mommy

“When you carry a life and it’s there and then gone, a part of your soul dies. Forever.”

mothers day diy

Now, I don't claim to be some creative diy-er.. although, I wish I was. I follow soo blogs, and instagrammers who I dream of becoming one day. total wannabe. I try to re-create crafts I find, although they usually never turn out the same....

Last week my mom sent me a picture of this, asking if we could make it.

I think the reason she wanted/needed it is because there are 10 kids in my family, 9 married, and most with kids. uh.. talk about birthday overload! Because i'm a last minute kind of person, I decided to make this for her.. on Saturday. I liked the idea, but not really the look of it.. so i changed it a bit.  This is how it turned out {before the hundreds of names went on it}. Can I just say the cricut is the most amazing piece of equipment?

 I love celebrating my amazing mother! I am beyond lucky to be her daughter. Mothers day should be a weekly holiday... minimum!

 I hope everyone had a great m.d.

neighborly love

Every valentine's day I love to give little treats to our neighbors. We don't know a lot of people in our ward unless they're under the age of 9, //primary calling//, so gifts are my way of showing we're not totally antisocial.

This year we did little bags of cookies.

 Believe it or not, I have never made snickerdoodles before. I'm really not a huge fan, but mathis loves them, so I decided to try them on for size.

 who doesn't love cute bags + washi tape?

well... they're not much, but it was a super easy and cheap Valentines gift for our lovely neighbors!

//overly talented

I think I have the most talented friends out there. One of my best friends can make absolutely anything. She has an etsy shop where she hand makes baby clothes, and other cute things.

She also just started an instagram that I think every mom should follow! @child_hoods

Ahh I'm in love with these. I wish I had a baby that could fit into these amazing clothes. #bestdressedbabes

update

I finally gave my blog a long-time-coming update. I realized I've had this blog for over 2 years, and have only written like 15 times. Honestly, I don't really care if others read this or not, but I think it will be something nice to have when mathis and i look back and we can re-visit some of the things that happen to us throughout our marriage. [you know when people say, "this is blog is just a journal for me, blah blah blah..?" I never believed it. I always thought they really just wanted people to read about them. But seriously, this is for me. and my husband. our children. and even friends/family who want to know what we're doing with our lives.]

Lately we have been so busy with work + school I feel like we haven't had any free time. That is soon going to change. Mathis will be done (mostly) with school this summer, and I will have the whole summer to do ANYTHING. I. WANT. ah the 1 perk of being a teacher ha.

In December, I FINALLY graduated from college. 4.5 long years later. Thinking back from when I started I can't believe everything I've done.  I truly didn't know if the day would ever come. Now that it has, I'm already dreaming of going back. I loved school. I love learning. Yeah, all the homework, tests, and cranky professors suck, but it is so fun. Everyone says, "you'll wish you could go back," and they were right. The past four years have kind of been a blurrrrrr.

 

As soon as I graduated from high school, I moved into a little house with some of my closest friends. We had the craziest, most fun times.

I was able to spend 1 month with my now sister-in-law working in an orphanage in Romania. This experience was both amazing and hard. I dream of going back.

 

I took a semester and went to BYU-H. This is a view from my porch. Paradise. Literally. Here, I met some of my best friends, and had an amazing time.

I met and married the love of my life. At the time, I really didn't want to get married. I had a "missionary" and definitely wasn't looking, but I am so glad life turned out how it did. I can't imagine life without this guy.

Together we have celebrated 2 anniversary's, gone on countless trips to st. george, arizona, we went back to hawaii.. etc. I don't want to be that person that says it, but we truly have the best marriage i could ever imagine.

 wow, 4 years!  Here's to another 4.. i can't wait to find out what will happen.

Now, I am really considering going back to school for health or graphic design. What do you think? Maybe interior design, or business... too many choices!

late

The last couple months we have been 10-6 kinda people. In bed by ten, up at six six-thirty. When we were first married we were 2-11,12,1 people. Sometimes I miss those days. I miss the luxury of calling in sick to work just so we could hang out. Staying up late to finish an ep of whatever our new show was. Sleeping in because school was an afterthought....

But here we are....we're grown-ups now. I have a big boy job.

I can't remember the last time I stayed up until two. crap. It might be due to the fact that I have the worst cold on Earth, Mathis gave me some voodoo cough syrup with sleeping meds and it's having a backwards effect on me. I think I will probably die in the morning.

aaaannnd i only have 6% battery left.

fuh

Mrs. Harman

I never imagined I would be an elementary school teacher... like ever. In high school, and even during a lot of college it was never on my "list" of career choices. But here I am. A 2nd grade teacher. And let me tell you... I kind of LOVE it. It is probably the hardest thing I have ever done-- I come home everyday completely exhausted. 10-12 hour days, 23 kids, 5 days a week.
Before I started teaching I thought, "how hard can it be?" You stand in front of kids and tell them what to write/draw/go to recess and assemblies... I was wrong.

Although it is hard, it is so rewarding. I love going to school and teaching something new. I love when a student understands a difficult or new concept. It makes it all worth it--the planning, staying at school late, waking up early, making 10 lesson plans a day, etc etc. I love coming home with the funniest stories. Kids honestly say and do some of the funniest things. 7 year olds are the best/worst ha ha!

the last time i was in 2nd grade. I would still fit right in.

 

 

 

Because I'm teaching in Payson, I decided to do a cowboy theme. I thought it would be appropriate/I love cowboys obviously.

oh heeyy

after I haven't written in awhile [and by awhile I mean 1 year] I never know where to start. How do I catch up on the everything that's happened? So much has happened in the past year...but at the same time it feels like everything has stayed the same.. I guess I can't backtrack, but I will just start now. . Mathis and I have this hobby that we loovvvee. We are kind of obsessed with going to antique stores and yard sales to find little trinkets, or furniture to fix up and put in our house. It's come to the point where we have no more room, but we can't stop. It's kind of sick. We have a lot of projects waiting to be finished, but no time to work on them... Here are some of our latest..

I wish I would have taken a before picture. It wasn't the cutest piece..But we love our new tv stand.

I found this antique mirror idea on pinterest, of course. It took so long, but it was worth it. [Is it weird that we have a giant map in our bedroom? maybe.]

we found this little gem in an antique store in st. george. It was a little rough around the edges (again, i'm terrible at taking before pictures).. We sprayed it with a cream color, then used a crackle paint over it to give it an older look. both the sides come out which is great when we have family come over for dinner.

Before i got married, i knew my husband was a pretty crafty kid. I mean, he grew up on a farm, so obviously he knows how to fix things..but i had no idea. He built this bookshelf for me. It looks like it was built with the house. it's pretty dreamy.

one day after work i came home to this.. my husband built it from a pile of wood.literally. I was/still am amazed. If you need any custom furniture built.. you know who to ask! hope you enjoyed our little projects!

my turn..

as my cute husband said below.. yes we just celebrated our one year anniversary! crazy right. Of course, I could spend all day talking about how much I love him, and how great he is (because he REAALLY is the best).. but I'll spare you. Instead i just want to share pictures of what we did. oh, it was lovely.

Mathis planned the whole day of things he knew were my favorites..
1st: we went to sonic to get a diet dr. pepper. duh.
2nd: okay this might sound weird, and so not romantic, but we went to kennecott copper mine. YES! I have been talking about going here for years. Throw me in any type of museum and I'm haaappy.



3rd: SUSHI at happy sumo:)
and lastly.. we went and saw a movie i've secretly been dying to see. He really took one for the team on this one..:)) haha poor guy.


what a GREAT day. being married to your best friend is the best!

ONE YEAR- Best I've Ever Had

This is Mathis and yes we have really been struggling with the blog lately but there was a milestone that took place in our lives this last weekend and it was awesome. We made it through that one year mark and we are still together!!! HA-HA... Everyone tells you, that first year is really ruff isn't it? Well all i have to say to them is the last year has been the best year of my life and if this is the hardest year of my marriage I am in for one smooth ride. I owe it all to my sweet heart she is the best wife anyone could ever want and I don't know how i got her but I cant wait to spend eternity with her.

live a little..

do you know what happens in less than 3 weeks? FINALS. Do you know what that means? spring/summer is just around the corner! My spring fever is starting to bubble.. its getting harder and harder to go to school, and all i can think about are our summer plans.

In three weeks we're going to live a little. In three weeks we'll sleep in, ride bikes,walk to the park, lay in the grass, and well.. do anything we please!!

I will be going on a little trip here with my mom and sissies!
In 3 weeks we're going to do things like:

mmmm dontcha LOVE hiking! i will drag that husband of mine up and down any mountain.

Ohhhh my favorite: ok, ok. it may not be on a beach.. But I'll take what i can get.


Isn't summer just the best? Days are always a little sweeter. PLUS! summers=weddings. YES!!

one day

Every once and a while don't we all say something like, "Man, i hope one day they invent that." or "Why hasn't anyone thought of that yet?" Every night I ask myself this exact question.. Why is there not a birth control pill that men can take instead of the girl?? (or do i just not know about it? ha) blaaahhh!! why do i DESPISE taking this little, pink pill so much? I don't know why it's so hard for me- the pill is seriously the size of an ant. (ok a pretty big ant, but still). It takes half a second to swallow then you're done.
        Maybe it's due to the fact that I forget mmm about everyday. Mathis is my reminder. Every night just as I'm almost asleep he kicks me out of bed and makes me take it. I know its completely ridiculous, but it's a true vendetta. All i can hope is that one day they will figure something out where the guy can take the pill. . . .

Big 21

Well after all of those nice things my wife said about me i figure it is only right that I express the 21 top things i love about her. This will be extremely easy for me because my wife is pretty much perfect. I am going to apologize this is my first time blogging on this thing. 

1) She is SO caring 

2) She has the most amazing testimony

3) She thinks im pretty cool... thats rare

4) SHES GORGEOUS

5) She isnt afraid to work which i feel is pretty rare for a girl now a days

6) She has all the attributes of a perfect mother

7) Loves everyone, sometimes it is a little much when it comes to picking bums up off the road 

8) Always thinking of the craziest ideas...making this lame guy pretty cool

9) AGIAN SHE IS GORGEOUS... cant get over it. i dont know how i got her

10) Pretty much the smartest person i know. She gets great grades without even trying

11) Has the best style I've ever seen

12) Makes me happy all the time.. which isnt always easy

13) She pushes me to be a better person

14) Loves me just the way I am..even with all my randomness

15) Loves to read and learn new things

16) Loves kids 

17) Great cook...even when she is trying something new

18) Gets along and loves my family

19) Drives the coolest Car

20) She loves the beach

21) Is my bestest best friend